i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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