Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
