I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
