Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Enjoy the penises
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
