so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
