you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We got so high we made milksteak
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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