she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
