You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
