Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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