I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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