You made me cry and you don't even care
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
