I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
