Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
