Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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