u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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