He kissed a someone with a penis
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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