i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
