I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
there was a trapeze. enough said
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
