we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
