So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
