My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im six kinds of drunk right now
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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