butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
