it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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