Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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