how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
