i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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