Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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