i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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