I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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