Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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