either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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