maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
