the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
