is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
