Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
