I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
