No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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