just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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