the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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