My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
