It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
