i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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