dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
