i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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