if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
