the new term for farting is butt boxing.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
