Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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