my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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