goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
