I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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