sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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