My brain says no but my pants say off.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
