# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
did i just pee glitter
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
