you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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