We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
